Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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