I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
