Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
