I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
