good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
