Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
