I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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