Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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