my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
