he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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