Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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