so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She bit a glass in half.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
