I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
