tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
