he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
