Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
