***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize