You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
