He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
