this will be a night to untag.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
