When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
