You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
