just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
