My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
