We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
