dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
