It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
