i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
