Kareoke will never be a sober sport
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
