i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize