Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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