He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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