if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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