i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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