When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
