when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
