Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
