There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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