its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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