When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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