i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The adults are the big ones right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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