Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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