Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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