dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
