Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize