I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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