drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
