Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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