I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're a waste of cheezeits
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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