Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize