dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
