That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
