Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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