what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
