piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
please come you make the beer taste better
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
