i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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