FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
