she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
