i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
