you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
