Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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