I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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