Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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