its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
