I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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