at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
