I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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