Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My vagina is very pro this idea
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