Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
