Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize