Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
