I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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