i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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