I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
