So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
