Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
