I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize