Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
